we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
