so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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