Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
