MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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