you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
