Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
