I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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