We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
