He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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