some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
