i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
