The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
