I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Randomize
