I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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