You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
