it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Randomize
