What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
there's paper in my vomit.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
