Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
