maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
and she was petting her beer can
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
