I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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