so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
