dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
