he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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