brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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