Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
