Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
being pregnant is like rehab
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
