Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
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