having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
