why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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