Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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