I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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