Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
