My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
