Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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