My hand turned me down
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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