alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize
