how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
