Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
