Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
