Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
