All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
The uberlube is also flammable
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
