I think my vagina is haunted
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
