my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
