He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
