there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
