I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
