I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
