my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
