I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Vodka?
Forever.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Randomize
