Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
